Building boundaries around your new baby
It’s no secret that everyone gets excited when a new baby is born into the family. When you’re a first time parent it’s a very exciting time. That time is special between you and your spouse and if you have a family that can be overbearing it can get overwhelming. When we had our first baby it was still during COVID times so no one was allowed in the hospital. As unfortunate as that time was, it worked out in our favor in that regard. We didn’t have to worry about anyone coming to the hospital and bombarding us right after his birth. We were given the chance to bond with our baby without and interruptions and it was perfect. This is why I have started establishing boundaries with our family before baby #2 comes.
Since we are preparing for baby #2 and his arrival I have started thinking about boundaries I would like to set in place. Especially for my family, my relationship with my parents is rocky and to be honest I don’t want that vibe around me right after birth. There is nothing wrong with wanting complete privacy during this time. It is a very vulnerable time for you and your baby. As much as some family members might get upset about it, it’s not about them. Protecting your space and this time with your family is important. So, take the time to decide what boundaries you want to put in place before you go into labor.
Establishing family boundaries
I am much closer with my husband’s parents now than I am with my own for numerous reasons. They are very involved grandparents and I love it. However, there are certain situations that can get a little overwhelming. If you are the type of person that has a relationship with your in laws that you can speak your mind freely, be thankful. Thankfully if I came to my in laws with something on my mind they would be willing to talk it out without getting their feelings hurt and offended. I admire that about them because I have heard some horror stories about in laws. My own parents are the ones that get offended by almost anything I say it seems. I keep my communication with them pretty limited. My son will either be staying with my sister or my in laws once I go into labor.
Once the baby is born, I don’t plan to have many people at the hospital. Whoever has my oldest son are the ones that will be welcome to the hospital strictly because I want him to meet the baby as soon as possible. Otherwise I won’t be having anyone else coming. We want as much time to bond with baby uninterrupted as possible. I think it’s important to give yourself the time to come down from your birth experience. If you have a ton of people filing in and out right after you give birth you don’t get the chance to rest or bond with your baby in peace. I was exhausted after my oldest son’s birth, as all women are but there was a lot that went on during my labor and his birth so I was not in the company mood after.
Boundaries once baby is home
Make sure you have also thought about your boundaries for when you bring baby home. Many family members will be excited to meet the baby as soon as possible. Especially if it is your first baby. There is nothing wrong with spacing out your visitors. The trouble with having too many people over at once is they will be passing the baby around for everyone to hold. It can get loud and you will not be in a space of wanting to entertain people. Decide if you want everyone to wash their hands before they hold the baby. If you have young kids in your family like we do, washing hands is important. Also making sure people don’t come over if they are feeling under the weather. That should be common sense but sometimes the excitement may get in the way for some.
You may also not want a bunch of people coming over right away if you have other kids. Giving them time to adjust to a new family member that they have to share the attention with may be necessary. I have a feeling our son is going to have a bit of a tough time adjusting to the new baby. He talks about baby all the time but he’s had our full attention for the last 2 and a half years and now he is going to have to share. It can be a huge adjustment for the first child so taking time to meet their needs and big feelings is important. Having a bunch of people over right away may be overwhelming for them. Everyone will be fixated on the new baby rather than them and that’s a lot for them to take in.
Discussing expectations
Some family members may have a tendency to show up unannounced. Especially if it’s your parents. Parents mean well and they may be excited to see their newest grandchild but you may not want visitors just showing up as you are trying to adjust to a new schedule with baby. Discuss any expectations you may have about privacy. During those first weeks of postpartum there is a lot happening. Your body is trying to heal, learn how to breast feed if you choose that route, and hormones are just all over the place trying to find a balance. Sometimes the added pressure of having someone else in the house when you are just trying to survive the days is not always wanted.
On the other hand
On the other hand, don’t be afraid to ask for help! If you are in the trenches and need help with things during the day reach out to anyone that may be able to come over. Especially if you have a toddler with a new baby. Many parents do not get paid time off when it comes to maternity/paternity leave. Leaving mothers home alone much sooner than they may be ready for. I am guilty of not asking for help when I really need it and it causes major burnout. It begins to impact my parenting and my mental state. Trying to do it all is impossible sometimes. Newborns need a lot of attention, as do toddlers. When you are trying to heal your energy is significantly depleted and your needs are neglected.
Asking someone to come take the older kids for a couple hours while you focus on the new baby can take a huge load off. Even just having someone come over to tend to the baby while you nap if it’s your first can help immensely. Once I became a mom I had this huge need to feel independent, like I could do it all myself. That amplified my postpartum anxiety and made things much harder for myself. If anyone offers the help, take it. Don’t be afraid that you are putting them out. If they are offering to help they want to be there for you.
Conclusion
Overall, Don’t be afraid to voice your boundaries or your needs. Many of your loved ones mean well and they get excited to welcome a new baby. If anyone gets offended by boundaries that you need in place to protect your peace, that’s their problem. This is a delicate time for you and your spouse and taking all the time you need to bond as a family is important. This is not a time for everyone else. If you are someone that is very go with the flow and love to have a ton of people around that is great too! I unfortunately am not that way as much as I might try (haha!). Everyone’s needs are different, and everyone’s family are different. Some are very involved and others not so much. I think many of us have at least ONE loved one that knows no bounds.
So don’t be afraid to sit down with your spouse and discuss both of your needs once baby arrives. Establishing these a boundaries with friends and family is just as important as a birth plan. Your birth plan will help guide you through the birthing process and your boundary plans will help you transition into your new chapter. Just some thoughts I wanted to share since I am currently preparing for our newest arrival. Please check out my other posts and my Pinterest page for any updates 🙂 As always, feel free to comment any other tips you may have for other parents!