Expanding the family

Having your first baby is exciting. Everything is new and you have no idea what the journey is going to look like. Becoming a parent is without a doubt one of the biggest adjustments you will ever experience. The first baby is the one that shows you how to become a parent. They make you look inward and realize what aspects you like in your parenting style and what you want to change. It is no secret that many times you are healing old wounds as you raise your own children. The first baby is your entire world and everything you do for the first time is with them. Then, you decide to expand your family after a certain amount of time and the new journey feels intimidating. Figuring out how to prepare our 2 year old for the arrival of his sibling has been a scary thought.

Once I got pregnant with baby #2, I was so excited but worried at the same time. I hear many moms say they worried about how they would be able to love another baby as much as their first. As scary as it is, you know you will love the next baby just as much as the first. However, my biggest worry has been how am I going to make this an easy transition for my son? I have spent just about everyday with him for the last 2 and a half years of his life. It has just been the two of us in the day to day and I worry how it will affect him once the baby is born.

Preparing a 2 year old for a big transition.

I’m not sure how much preparing you can really do for a two year old. They are to the point of understanding SO much, however, there are still things that they can’t quite grasp. I feel like the concept of a baby in mom’s belly is a little challenging for them to understand. My son gets so excited to feel baby brother moving around. He asks about him often throughout the day, and he asks if baby brother is feeling okay. It’s the sweetest thing in the world, I’m just not sure he grasps that baby brother will be coming home to live with us. His world as he knows it will be turned upside down.Thankfully, my husband will be home with us for the first 6 weeks.

We have talked about trying to keep his nap time/bedtime routine the same as much as possible. How realistic is that with a newborn? Probably not very but we will do our best. His naptime/bedtime routines are important to him. We want to include him in as much as we can to help out with baby brother. I’ve heard moms say they have them to help with simple tasks and it helps them feel included rather than left out. Since my husband will be home, he will take him out to go on little day adventures so he still gets one on one time with dad. I also plan to take him out on our little trips to target, the pet store, and grocery shopping while dad stays home with baby brother.

The arrival of a sibling.

We talk about baby brother every single day throughout the day. We like to mention all the things he will get to do with baby brother once he comes home. We just bought a new wagon stroller to fit both kids and he is so excited to take walks with baby brother in it. Walks is another thing I plan to still do with him one on one because we do this everyday together. Letting him pick out a couple outfits for baby brother has helped start including him in decisions. I also am very careful in my wording when we are in the nursery and he tries to play with things. I avoid saying things are just for baby brother. So when he looks at the books in brothers room and asks if they are his I simply say its for both of them.

He loves the idea of getting to read to baby brother. Reading before nap and bed is a ritual for him so we are hoping he will be excited to include brother in that. I often tell him that baby brother is so lucky to have a big brother like him. We have shown him the ultrasound pictures and have let him listen to brothers heart beat. He definitely knows there is someone in there, I just don’t know how he will handle sharing the attention. I fully expect all the meltdowns, jealousy, and over all very big emotions during this big transition. We have read a couple books about the arrival of a baby that he likes. Overall it’ll be a learning curve for all of us.

Making things easier for myself

I decided to potty train my son at the beginning of the year to avoid that big transition after the baby was born. I will say that has made my life SO much easier already. Not having to wrestle a two year old who hated getting his diaper changed while in the 3rd trimester is nice. He was showing signs that he was ready to learn so I went for it. Thankfully I chose to do it when I did so I had more patience with it. We also transitioned him into his big boy room far enough in advance to get him comfortable with the new routine. These are both such big transitions for kids and trying to accomplish that with a newborn seemed like an impossible task. Getting these done ahead of time has taken a lot of stress off of my shoulders.

There very well may be some regression, I fully expect that. However, we have the foundational work built and I have faith in him. We have been lucky enough these last 2 and a half years that our son has made all major transitions easier on us. Our luck may run out, but so far he has been a rockstar. Though every situation posses different obstacles, we will work through it nonetheless. Getting him potty trained and transitioned to his new room has also given him so much confidence.

working on emotional regulation

There is no secret that there’s going to be a lot of big feelings going on for all of us. Our son is in the midst of the twos stage, therefore there are loads of tantrums. I know once the new baby comes, there will likely be even more. So, I have been taking steps to help him with emotional regulation. This will help him as well as myself when it comes to big postpartum feelings. I have started reading books about emotions, created a “calm corner”, and recently purchased some new toys surrounding emotions. One is the eggxpress bus from target. It has 12 eggs all with different emotional expressions and it comes with little flashcards that go over each one. I also found him some cheap emotion flashcards from target.

The latest one I found is called the “Lil buddies” it comes with a book and 6 colored little buddies each expressing a different emotion. He LOVES to sit and read the book and play with the little buddies. It is interactive and helps him identify different emotions. We also go over what might cause these different emotions. Right now, when he starts to get upset I am working on helping him find a technique that will help him work through the tantrum easier. It’s a tough road but I know we will get there. There have been times when I ask him to show me which little buddy he’s feeling in that moment and hell pick one out. Not always, but it’s a step.

Overall…

I know there is no magic process to prepare a toddler for such a huge transition. But there are steps we are taking to help make the process easier. His entire life has just been with my husband and I. Not only is he learning how to nicely share his toys, he now has to learn how to share mom and dad. The attention will no longer be solely on him and that is a lot to handle at a young age. He does well playing independently but we know he is going to need that quality one on one time even more after baby is born. This will be a great opportunity for my husband to get some great bonding time in those 6 weeks.

We are looking forward to watching him learn how to be a big brother. It’s exciting to think about them getting to play together once baby brother is old enough. He will have a friend for life. The thought of welcoming another baby is equally exciting and nerve wracking. I know we have made it this far with one, but two will be a completely different ballgame. Nonetheless, many family’s welcome multiple children and manage to find a new routine that works for all. If you are in the same boat, you are not alone! Please feel free to share any helpful tips you might have for this transition! Enjoy some of my other posts and visit my Pinterest page to see other updates along the way 🙂